7 months. Feels like yesterday but it’s been 7 months.
7 months – 6 holidays , 3 birthdays a new job, and a new family member. Meet Budrow Wilson McFluffybutt
This handsome fellow has brought some much needed joy into the house. The kids needed him, my husband needed him, I need him. He is just so darn happy all the time, dumb as a stump, but happy. We love him.
Now it’s all about adjusting to the new normal. They say that this will get easier, I call bullshit. It’s not getting easier, you just get better at hiding it.
That’s not true either. It doesn’t get easier, that’s the wrong word, it just gets different. I can say his name without having a complete meltdown. I can reminisce over memories for little snippets of time without shutting down. I still feel on the verge of tears all the time, but they don’t fall as often. I have good days and I have bad days but they are about even now, that’s progress.
My younger two laugh again and that’s awesome. They are starting to hang out with their friends again and go out and have fun. It is nice to see some of the weight lifting from them, they still have bad days too, but not as often. My husband and I are starting to smile again, we have even started to venture out. That has been the weirdest part. Making plans, we can do that now. There is no constantly worrying about what might happen if we actually leave the house. We can take long drives without having a constant eye on the clock. We can take the kids and the dog to the beach and just be mellow without a full medical kit. It’s an adjustment.
I fall asleep easier now and I don’t wake up expecting the worst because that already happened. It is still very much one day at a time and I have come to trust my mothers logic on how to deal with it. When I really struggle I just tell myself I’m not going to think about that today, I will think about that tomorrow.
Well look at that, I got all the way to the end without any tears. Progress.